Renesmee's POV

Ok...now everyone's coming home. Grandma Esme had forgiven us for painting her house and cleaned it up really quickly. Actually, the house looks better now!
Suddenly, I heard Keanu, my new dog, bark like crazy. It could only mean one thing...

"We're home!"called Edward
"RENESMEE!! Where are you??" called Bella
Keanu ran downstairs. I followed him.
"RENESMEE!!!" Mom screamed "I MISSED YOU SOOO MUCH!"
She gave me an enormous bear hug, which if I weren't half vampire, would've killed me.
Keanu barked. "Who's that?" asked Bella
"My new puppy..." I said, quietly
"A dog?" said Mom "What do you need a dog for? You have Jacob!"
"Well I kinda wanted a dog that didn't turn into a human being." I said
"Nessie!" said Daddy
Yet another massive bear hug.
"How did Emmett and Jasper treat you?" he asked
"We had LOTS of fun!" I said "And you have messages from Mike Newton."
"Mike Newton? Wha-" said Dad
"Eddie!" said Uncle Emmett, jumping downstairs, holding Daddy in a headlock
"What's crack-a-lackin, homes?"
"What's crack-a-whating?" asked Dad
"Sorry, fancy-pants, how do you do, good sir?" asked Uncle Emmett
"I hope Renesmee didn't pick up this slang, Emmett." said Mom
"Bells! How ya doin'?" said Uncle Emmett
"Good."
"How was Renee?"
Mom sighed, "She's much more childish than Renesmee. But it was a very nice visit, and we were lucky it rained in Florida so we could catch a deer or two."
"Nice."
"Very."
"Didya meet Keanu?" asked Uncle Emmett
"Oh yeah, why is there a hot pink chihuahua in the house?" asked Daddy
"Didn't Nessie tell you? Jacob bought her a dog." said Uncle Jasper, appearing out of nowhere.
"Jasper! Good to see you!" said Edward
"As well as you, Edward. You too Bella."
"See Emmett? Southern manners." said Edward
"Chya, whatever. When Alice comes back he'll be like YEAH YOU'RE BACK I MISSED YOU SOO MUCH MWAH MWAH..." said Uncle Emmett, babbling on
Dad rolled his eyes.
"So, Jacob bought you a dog?" asked Edward
"Yes." I said. I batted my lashes and smiled.
Daddy looked taken back and blinked. "Well...see you do take care of him."
"Will do." I said
"We're HOOOMMEE!!" announced Aunt Alice
"Aunt Alice!" I cried
"And Aunt Rosie!" said Aunt Rosalie, look stunning in a long slinky dress.
"YAY!" yelled my two Uncles
"Ooh! A puppy!" said Aunt Alice, picking up Keanu and stuffing him in her new hot pink Dolce and Gabbana dog carrier.
"You got a dog carrier! How did you know we got a dog!" I cheered
Everyone looked at me with raised brows.
"You know what, don't answer that." I said
"Well, I kept an eye on you, making sure Emmett and Jasper didn't let you burn down the house." said Aunt Alice
"Nah, just paint." I said
"What?"
"Never Mind."
"Hey did you hear about Michael Jackson? Poor guy, too young." said Mom
"I KNOW!" said Aunt Rosalie, bursting into nonexistent tears
"You were an MJ fan?" asked Mom
"Fan? More like Fan-tastically demented. SHE LOVED HIM." said Uncle Emmett
"Really?" asked Mom
"Oh yes, Rosalie knows the moonwalk, the thriller, she bought replicas of those vinyl jackets, she wore one glove on one hand, even tried to make us the 'Cullen 5'." said Daddy
"Remember the day 'Beat it' came out?" asked Aunt Alice
"Yes!" said Daddy "Rosalie spent the day reenacting the music video."
"And the thriller!" said Uncle Jasper "She was more of a zombie than a vampire."
"Did you ever meet him, Aunt Rose?" I asked
"Yes! He told me I was the prettiest girl he ever saw." said Aunt Rose, tossing her long blond hair back.
"Please, he told every fan that." said Uncle Jasper
"Well, he meant it when he said it to me." said Aunt Rose
Grandma Esme came out. "Welcome kids!" she said smiling radiantly
"Renesmee, I made you chicken pot pie, it's in the kitchen."
"Your chicken pot pie!" I said happily. Grandma Esme made THE BEST pot pie EVER. Sweeney Todd and Mrs. Lovett's human pies could never compare.
Keanu started whimpering for the pot pie.
"No Keanu! This is my pot pie!" I smacked him on the head
"Renesmee!! Don't hit the dog!" yelled Mom
"Respect ma Authoritah!" I yelled to Keanu
"RENESMEE CARLIE CULLEN!" yelled Mom
"What?" I asked
"Where did you hear it was ok to smack the dog on the head? and what are you saying? 'Authoritah' is not a word! Emmett what have you been teaching Renesmee?!" asked Mom
"It's south park...?" I said
"South Park? That nasty cartoon?" said Mom
"Yeah It's ssuuuupppeerrr funny!" I said
"It's not funny, Renesmee. I don't want you watching it." said Mom
"Dude, seriously?" I said
"I am not a 'dude'!" said Mom
Uncle Emmet started laughing
"Mom, I'm like, 13 now." I said
"13! Last time I counted, you were 4." she said
"Well you don't have to go all technical on me." I said
"Don't you use that tone with me, young lady." said Mom
"Feeehhnn!!" I said (Fine: Fehn, Cartman talk)
"Good lord, what made you start watching this?" asked Dad
Everyone looked at Uncle Emmett
"Hey, you know I'm more of a Family Guy fan!" said Uncle Emmett
"Doesn't mean you don't like South Park." said Aunt Alice
"So I watched a few episodes," said Uncle Emmett "I didn't think Ness was awake."
"How could you not?! Your a vampire!" said Aunt Rosalie
I got bored and apologized.
"That's ok, hun." said Mom
Just then there was a knock on the door.
"Excuse me" said a good-looking young man
"Yes?" said Grandma Esme
"You wouldn't know where I could find the Twilight set, do you?" he asked
"Twi-light?" said a confused Grandma Esme
"Yes?"
"Never heard of it."
"Really?" said the man, shocked
"No, but we'd more than happy to help you."
"Thanks, um my name is Robert Pattinson."
"That's a nice name, dear." said Grandma Esme "I'm Esme Cullen."
"Esme Cullen..."
"Come in, Robert, and meet my family." said Grandma Esme, with a smile so warm it could heat Russia in the dead of Winter.
She pointed to Aunt Rosalie and Aunt Alice.
"These are my daughters, Rosalie and Alice."
"Rosalie and Alice, huh? There are characters named Rosalie and Alice in Twilight."
"What a coincidence, huh, Esme?" asked Aunt Alice
"Ironic." said Aunt Rosalie
"Well, this is Emmett and Jasper." said Grandma Esme, gesturing to them.
"They're in the movie too!" said Robert Pattinson
"Wow, what a coinky-dink." said Uncle Emmett
"This is very strange. But I've seen stranger. Did you know a fan of mine sent me a tube of her blood?"
"You have fans?" asked Mom
"Yes, I'm...I'm Robert Pattinson, you know, Robert Pattinson." he said
"Hmm, you new to Hollywood?" asked Mom
"You could say that."
"I'm Bella." said Mom "And this is my...sister, Renesmee."
"Bella and RENESMEE. This is really weird." said Robert Pattinson
"My name's unique, not weird!" I snapped
"Sorry, sorry."
"Oh, and this is my husband, Edward." said Mom
"Edward Cullen." said Dad "Nice to meet you."
"Hey! I'm playing Edward Cullen in Twilight!" said Robert Pattinson
"Really? What's Twi-light?"
"It's a love story about a girl named BELLA who falls in love with a vampire named EDWARD. It's really very interesting."
"Really...."
"Mm-hmm. But I'm wanted on the set, could I use your phone?"
"Of course, of course." said Grandma Esme
After Robert Pattinson made his call...
"I'll be going soon, my agent is picking me up."
"Glad to be of help, Robert." said Grandma Esme "Could we offer you some food or a beverage?"
"No, no." said Robert Pattinson
He pulled out a cigarette and a lighter, and began to smoke.
"Dirty habit!" said Uncle Emmett pretending to cough.
"Ebbed!" said Grandma Esme, not breathing "Be dise!"
"Suddenly there was a knock on the door.
"Oh, that must be my agent..." said Robert Pattinson, throwing his cigarette on the floor and stepping in it
"My floors..." said Grandma Esme
As Robert Pattinson opened the door, Grandpa Carlisle was standing there.
"Esme, dear, I seem to have misplaced my keys..."
Suddenly, Carlisle's eyes grew wide
"EEEHHHHMAAAGGGAAAWWWDD!! IT'S ROBERT PATTINSON!"
"Carlisle? You know him?" asked Daddy
"YES! It's Robert Frackin Pattinson!" screamed Grandpa Carlisle
"Nice to know someone knows who I am." said Robert Pattinson
"Can I PLEASE have an autograph?"
"sure."
"And a picture?"
"Sure."
"And a hug?"
"Why not."
"And...a snip of your hair?"
"Um, no."
"What! Why?!
"Because I don't want bald spots." said Robert Pattinson
"I just want to clone you, using your DNA..." muttered Grandpa Carlisle
"No thanks." said Robert Pattinson
Carlisle looked very, very mad and before he could say anything, the volturi came bursting through the door.
"CULLENS!" yelled Caius
"What now?" asked Uncle Emmett
"You took our beloved canine!" accused Caius
"What! Keanu is ours! We bought him at a pet store." I said
"Um, NO." said Marcus
"What the &^%$ is going on here?!" screamed Robert Pattinson
"Quiet mortal!" said Caius
"Oh no you didn't." said Robert Pattinson
"Oh YES I DID." said Caius snapping his fingers.
"Caius! Focus." said Marcus
"You took our beloved canine. We are here to retrieve him." said Marcus
"No! Keanu is ours! Look at the adoption papers." I said
"Adoption papers? I am as old as time itself and you expect me to back down because of adoption papers?!" yelled Caius
"Um, yah." I said
"Um, Nah." mimicked Caius
I made a rude hand gesture at Caius.
"RENESMEE!" yelled the Cullens
"He deserved it." I said, casually.
"You deserve it more, you little brat." said Jane
"Jane." I said
"Rene-oh wait I have no idea how to say your name." smirked Jane
"Wow that was so funny I forgot to laugh." I said
"AT LEAST I'm a real vampire." said Jane, loudly
"You're a billion-year old person trapped in a pale midget's body. I so envy you." I said, yawning
Jane hissed.
"Give us back our dog, and no one will get hurt." said Aro
"I didn't know you had a dog, Aro." said Grandma Esme
"Yes, we do." said Aro. He spotted Keanu behind the table.
"Look there he is!" said Aro
"Mr. Snuffaluffkins!" cooed Caius
"Snuffy!" said Marcus
"Aww that's a good boy, come here!" said Caius
Keanu stayed behind the table.
"Come, here!" said Caius
Keanu went to me
"Mr. Snuffaluffakins, come here!" demanded Caius
"No wonder he doesn't like you, you gave him such a freakin' lame name." I said
"Renesmee, don't provoke the evil royal vampire clan." said Mom
"Dear Caius, it seems that Mr. Snuffaluffakins doesn't want to return. Perhaps we should take something ELSE." said Aro, looking around
"Take him!" said Grandpa Carlisle, pointing to Robert Pattinson
"Why me?!" yelled Robert Pattinson
"You have scruffy hair, you hate baths, the young generation thinks you're 'cute', and the Volturi will treat you SO nicely!" snapped Grandpa Carlisle
"Hmmm, that DOES sound very good. Okay, Carlisle, we'll take him." said Aro
"B-B-Bu-t Snuffy!" said Marcus
"This one's cuter!" said Caius, stroking Robert Pattinson's hair
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" said Robert Pattinson
"Aww!!" squealed Caius, practically strangling Robert Pattinson with his bear hug "I'm gonna call you Babycakes!"
"&*^$!!"
"Let's go, Aro, I wanna get Babycakes a collar!" said Caius
"Can I walk him first?" said Marcus
"No way! I will!" argued Aro
"Bye! Have a nice century!" said Grandma Esme
"Hey! Esme! Help meeee!" yelled Robert Pattinson
"Dirty my hardwood floors, and this what you get!" said Grandma Esme
"Help!" said Robert Pattinson
"Bye!" I said
"Thank you!" called Aro
"Bye Jane!" I said, tripping her
Jane stared, and tried to inflict pain on me
"Oh no you don't, missy!" said Bella, shielding Renesmee with her mind.
"Come on, Jane!" called Aro
"This isn't the last time you'll see me, you half-baked twit." said Jane
"Do yourself a favour and buy a better insult book." I said
"Ohhhh snap!" said Uncle Emmett
"Grr!!" said Jane, and smashed several of Grandma Esme's vases and sculptures.
Grandma Esme suddenly lunged herself at Jane, trying to rip Jane's head off.
"Bella! Shield Esme!! Quick!" yelled Dad
Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper ripped Grandma Esme off Jane just as Grandma Esme was about to behead her. Aww too bad.
"Masters! Why didn't you help me?!" cried Jane
"Babycakes is thirsty!" said Caius, who gave Robert Pattinson a bowl of water.
"Come, let's stop by Petsmart on the way back to Volterra. I hear there's a two for one sale on Iams!" said Aro
"Bye!" said The Cullens


"Well, that was a nice visit." said Aunt Alice
"Yes, yes it was." said Aunt Rosalie
"Well y'know, besides the fact that we just gave one of the biggest movie stars on the planet to Evil Italian Vampires, and my daughter and my mother just provoked their pain inflicting bodyguard, I'd say it was a very nice day." said Dad
"So...What'd you guys get me?" I asked
"Too many things!" said Aunt Rosalie and Aunt Alice dropping dozens of Fancy Labeled shopping bags, ribbon wrapped shoe boxes and the kind of fancy, wrapped chocolates that you just couldn't, no matter how much you wanted to, eat as much as you can, in front of me
"Wow! Thanks!" I said
"I got a few things for you too, my little sweetheart." said Grandma Esme
"Really? I thought you were on the island." said Renesmee
"Well, we didn't spend the whole week there. We went to Brasilia too."
Loads of clothes dropped on to Renesmee's lap
"This is SO cute!" said Renesmee, holding up a summer dress.
"We got you something too, princess." said Dad
"What, what, what, what, what!!!" I shrieked, excited. Of course, Mom and Dad would have to have the BEST present from Florida.
"Here!!" said Mom, excitedly
and Zac Efron dropped out of a large potato sack.
"OH MY GOD!!! ZAC EFRON!" I screamed
"He was in Florida filming his new movie! I just couldn't stop myself! I knew how much you loved him!" said Mom
"Yesyesyes!!" I squealed, giving Zac Efron a big hug.
Zac Efron didn't move.
"Mom? Why isn't he moving?" I asked, poking him
"Hmm...I don't know. He was ok before we stuffed him in the suitcase." said Mom
Grandpa Carlisle checked his pulse. "He's alive, just unconcious. Let him rest."
"Hopefully, this will keep Jacob away..." said Mom
"Oh yes, replace the werewolf with a vain, teen hearthrob. In my opinion, I'd rather my daughter had NO BOYS at all." snarled Daddy
"Jacob?" I said. My face fell.
"What's the matter, princess?" asked Dad
"Oh...nothing." I mumbled "Um, thanks for Zac Efron, Mom and Dad."
"You look a little upset, hon, what's wrong?" asked Mom
"I don't want Jacob to stay away." I said
"Well, he won't, honey, of course not." said Mom "He's tied around your little fingers."
"Okay..." I said, smiling again. "well, I'm gonna get Keanu and we'll g-OH MY GOD!"
Keanu's little body was on the floor, the blood completely sucked out of his body. Dad wiped his mouth.
"DAD!" screamed Renesmee
"Sorry."
THE END :)
Sorry it's so long, but hey its the end! Thanks for putting up with me and my busy schedule! Remember to vote for the next fan fic series about Twilight of course at my journal!